Teacher shortage

You know how we always hear about the teacher shortage, pretty much anywhere? Especially in subjects like Maths, the sciences, and IT. Over here it includes Maori language as well. Well, today a big reason why we have a teacher shortage just slapped me in the face.

Not literally, obviously. And it wasn't anything to do with me. But indirectly, it affected me. Because today, I saw my friend and new colleague Irene break down in tears over 2 female students in year nine. The supposed babies of high school. Granted, these two were repeat offenders from their primary school years and consequently dumped into our system. But, still.

She struggled to put into words how hateful these girls were and how they made her feel worthless. I, in turn, struggled to get her to understand how I was in the exact same position two years ago. A first year teacher, new to the school, and new to the vileness of some of these kids. I am not kidding when I say they are vile. Some of these children are rude motherfuckers who won't think twice about shredding your confidence and self-esteem to bits.

It's particularly hard if you're Asian. With an asian accent. I'm just cringing right now at the fact that I actually put those words down in print, because it's all kinds of wrong. The kids are great at zooming in on any differences we might have, and they can smell the fear on new teachers.

I remember how much I hated my first year of teaching. How I hated one particular class. How I couldn't sleep at night thinking about the next day. How I broke down in tears and cried all over Sonia's shoulder. How I felt like throwing up before going to class. How I screamed at the whole class when I lost my temper. How I completely messed up when I honest-to-God accidentally swore in front of a student. And not just any kind of swearing. It was swearing that involved the words Jesus, Fucking, and Christ. How bad is that? That's how shit it was in my first year.

And here Irene is, telling me how her parents taught her never to hate anyone (she's Msian Chinese btw) - I cut her off by telling her to feel free to hate! Everyone in the staffroom laughed, but I told them I wasn't joking. I said that my three years at school have taught me to be a complete and utter bitch. And I thank those mofo students for it. It is empowering. I will never, ever, let myself feel that utter loss of control in a classroom again.

She said how it was only her second week, and she already hated her job and wanted to quit. Been there, done that. I could only tell her it gets better, but that is such cold comfort. I wish I could make things better for her, cause I know how it feels to be so utterly depressed about work. We don't get paid enough in this line of work.

Teachers deserve hazard pay. And they wonder why there's a teacher shortage!